I can remember how exciting it was to plant Stone Oak Bible Church. The simple vision was inspiring. We imagined a church dependent on God’s power, not on any gimmick or show. We loved the simplicity of the people of God gathering together around the word of God in an authentic community.
I do not say any of this to claim uniqueness. In fact, that is what we loved about it! We were not unique in our vision; instead, we felt connected back to the New Testament Church and to all of the faithful biblical churches who have gone before us.
Today, our young church has gone through so much in the first five years, but the simple vision has not changed. Our mantra remains “Gospel-centered and intentionally simple.”
Then COVID-19 happened, and everything seems to have changed.
In the early days of the pandemic, like everyone else, we scrambled. We were unable to gather safely, so we developed an online gathering platform. Along with other elements, we recorded our sermons, and our worship leader began recording songs through video. Each week we have tried to improve. We have sought to learn how to “do church” more effectively through this unprecedented time. One thing is sure; things are no longer quite as “simple” as before.
To be fair, I believe that God has used it all for His glory, and I am grateful for the tools that we have today through technology. I can’t even begin to imagine enduring this pandemic 20 years ago before these tools existed.
But I am grieving.
I have seen many of the things I love, the things that are central to my understanding of the biblical church, and the things that are foundational to the vision of Stone Oak Bible Church taken away. Instead of singing together and hearing our voices join together in gospel unity, we are watching our talented worship leader sing to us through our screens. Instead of gathering together, we must distance ourselves. Instead of participating together, we must spectate individually.
When I felt the Lord call me to ministry, I never envisioned preaching to cameras, countless hours of video editing, or attempting to shepherd a congregation with whom I cannot gather face to face. I would never have believed that we would have gone months without gathering together, or that I would have spent Easter Sunday at home in my living room.
Even more, as I reflect on my life, God has richly used the weekly gathering, singing, communion, praying, preaching, and the fellowship of the church to nourish me throughout my life. And today, I grieve the loss of these God-ordained nourishments.
To put it bluntly, I am grieving the reality that I sincerely miss the church.
So what do I do now? For all who are grieving with me, what do we do now? Well, I have encountered two responses over the past month, both of which I believe are unhealthy.
Unhealthy Response #1: “Everything is Awesome“
If you have young kids, you are probably now singing the song in your head. (You’re welcome!) In the Lego Movie, there is a song that the characters would all sing, which is the epitome of blind-optimism. In the face of any event, regardless of the tragedy, the mantra would be the same; “Everything is Awesome.” Although this makes for a catchy theme song, it is an unhealthy way to live.
There are times when we will encounter difficult and challenging circumstances. As Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us,
(There is) a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
Simply put, we will face times that are not awesome, and it is unhealthy to laugh and to dance when we should be weeping and mourning.
I have caught myself wanting to put on the “strong and happy face,” and to lead our church as though “everything is awesome” during this time. This response is not what our church needs. It is not healthy or honest.
Unhealthy Response #2: “I Can Fix It“
So, if it is “not awesome,” then let’s fix it, right? Let’s find the right online platform that can replicate a real service. Let’s create strategies that will generate more momentum. Let’s find solutions that will solve the problem.
I am more convinced now more than ever that this “fix it” response is more dangerous and unhealthy than the “everything is awesome” response. What would happen if we were to “fix” the problem? What if we were able to create new experiences, launch new “versions” of church, and normalize the ungathered church? Unfortunately, through the best of intentions, in the end, we would be left with something other than the church. The ungathered church is not the church. As much as we may desire to fix the problem, this is not a problem to be fixed with new strategies or novel ideas.
I have caught myself many times wanting to “fix the problem” of COVID-19. Like the first response, this response is also not what our church needs. It is also not healthy.
I believe that there must be a more healthy response: Grief.
Healthy Response: Individual and Collective Grief
Scripture is full of emotion. We see both joy and sadness. We see confidence, fear, gratitude, lament, anger, and satisfaction. Scripture reminds us that our God is big enough to handle all of us. We are called to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us. (1 Peter 5:7)
I have come to a powerful realization: The greatest way that I can lead and serve Stone Oak Bible Church is to give permission 1) to myself, and 2) to our church to grieve.
I grieve not being able to gather. One of the most significant blessings of my week has been taken away from me during this season. And, although online services are a huge blessing, certain things cannot be replicated or replaced. I grieve these things, and I miss singing with my church. I miss hearing the whole church get up to approach the communion tables. I miss the fellowship of the saints. Although our God is still awesome, I confess that “everything is not awesome.” Although I am grateful for technology, I also confess that I cannot “fix it.” I grieve.
Also, I want to give you permission to grieve as well. It is no mark of mature faith to ignore the grief. On the contrary, it is unhealthy. I am reminded of the Psalms, and I am encouraged to know that 42 of the 150 Psalms are Psalms of lament. I am further encouraged that 30 of these Psalms of lament are individual, while 12 are communal. This encourages me because I am reminded that we are not alone. Not only does our God invite us to come to him in our grief, but like the Psalms, we are invited to grieve together communally.
So, Back to Where We Started
Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5b (ESV)
I know that we will gather again as the church, and I long for that day in eager anticipation. Christ’s words to Peter give me unshakable hope as he said, “And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” We know that the church will stand and endure through COVID-19.
Even more, I genuinely believe that we can emerge from this COVID-19 season stronger and more committed to the church for whom Christ gave His life, and to the mission to which Christ has called us together to accomplish.
It is okay to grieve. You are not alone. And, although we may grieve today, we know that joy comes in the morning. (Psalm 30:5b)