When you stop and think about it, expectations are so important. They are like the lenses that we wear that color everything that we see. The colored lenses that you are wearing will effect the way you see your life and the different situations and people that you face in your life.
At any given time, each of us are managing / juggling the expectations of others in all aspects of our lives. But as difficult as that may sound, nothing is more difficult or important than managing our own expectations.
Here is an easy example. Imagine that you were having a dinner party with several of your friends. You send out your invitations and you get nine RSVP’s. On the day of your party, the table is set, the music is on, but only five people show up. There is a good chance that you would be disappointed because your expectations were unmet, right? Now, imagine that you had only received five RSVP’s… Would your view of the party have been more positive? Well, yeah. Same party, same number of people, but a different expectation. Our different expectations will lead to us to different perspectives of success.
So, what do we do with this? Our tendency is to either set our expectations high and expect to be let down from time to time, or to set our expectations low to protect ourselves from ever being let down. Neither of these approaches are particularly helpful. I believe that both of these approaches will eventually wear on ourselves and on others.
Here is a process that I am using to better manage my own expectations.
1) Write it down.
This will feel awkward at first, but it is important. When you examine your life, your ministry, your family, or your career, write down your honest expectations. This exercise will force you to verbalize the often unspoken and unrealized expectations that you have, and it will give you the ability to better manage your own expectations. Write them down, and be HONEST. What do you expect from your spouse or your kids? What do you expect from yourself? What are your expectations of your friends? What are your expectations of your employees or your coworkers? Through this simple exercise, I often realize that my unspoken “felt” expectations that I have written out are unrealistic, unhealthy, or un-communicated.
2) Pray before I speak
Your words can carry more weight than you often realize, and this is true regarding expectations as well. So before you speak, pray. I cannot tell you how many times I have wished that I could take back an expectation that I set with my premature words. Through prayer, God can reveal whether or not your expectations lack faith or wisdom. Through prayer, we can engage our faith and trust in God before we speak. One way that we can serve and love others well is to prayerfully consider our words before we speak.
Also, when you honestly evaluate your own expectations, you will often bump against your own pride. You will unearth some less-than-godly motives. You will see some areas in your life that you need to change. As you encounter these areas, repent and ask God to conform your expectations and hopes to his.
3) Evaluate.
Each day, in our relationships, or with each new venture, compare your expectations to reality. Did someone let you down because of unspoken expectations? Does someone continually exceed your expectations? At work, did you sell $50,000 when you were expecting to only sell $27,000? Were your expectations too conservative, or were your hopes set too high? Evaluate your expectations (which were hopefully written down). Evaluation is important for you to set better expectations in the future.
4) Extend Grace.
People will let you down. Situations in life will inevitably take place that will fall short of your expectations. When this happens, there is grace. God shows us unbelievable grace through Christ, and the situations and people in life that fall short of our expectations are opportunities to extend that grace beyond ourselves. Godliness is often seen most clearly in our graciousness.
My hope is that this process will help you identify some of the colored lenses that you have been wearing so that you are able to see reality more clearly, protect yourself from discouragement, and that you are able to better manage your own expectations.